urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex BenNeedsToDie BenNeedsToDie 2006-09-30T07:51:12Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:47572 2006-09-30T07:51:12Z 2006-09-30T07:51:12Z fuck you <br />i hate how you twisted, or tried to twist everything around where it was my fault urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:47246 2006-09-24T07:32:21Z 2006-09-24T07:32:21Z wrong:<br />my Alkaline Trio obsession. it's turned me into a suicidal hopeless romantic<br />i can't even ask the rickshaw girl out on a date because my confidence is all fucked, thank you <br />gave up on ever talking about hell block ever again, even deleted the file from my comp and every referance about it<br /><br />right:<br />i've become crazy creative<br />i didn't have a handsome smile anyway<br />birthday is coming up so a big journal update is coming up<br />summer is over so let's count the states<br />VA,TX,CA,MD,WV,PA,NY,ON(CAN),NC,SC,GA,FL<br />over 10,000 miles traveled by plane, car, train<br />anywayyyyyyy sweet new tattoo<br /><br />not such a good picture but<br /><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e218/benneedstodie/000_0107.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:46862 2006-09-21T00:17:01Z 2006-09-21T00:17:01Z Jimmy Eat World reminds me of that time steph, Beth, and I had that underwear dance party in the dark at 130 w. clay urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:46823 2006-09-19T18:37:13Z 2006-09-19T18:37:13Z no more six feet under ondemand <br />i guess that's a good thing<br />tomorrow scott is doing the best tattoo in the world on me<br />a sting ray w/ a banner over it that says, "cricky!" <br />i'm trying to find some time to go back to cali, i miss it like a mother fucker<br />the beaches, my friends<br />the beard is back, alittle bit thicker than berfore<br />i've been updating live journal a shit ton more now that i don't have myspace, i guess i'm just closer to my LJ friends than i was my myspace friendsmy birthday is exactly two weeks away!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:46281 2006-09-17T01:06:08Z 2006-09-17T01:06:08Z things have been up and down. in 3 hours this shitty week will be over<br />but i have DMB and Eric Clapton stage hand shit to do<br />i started making drinks at Helen's on Thursdays or i'm on call<br />either way<br /><br />i haven't really spoke to Hannah since Tue night oh well, you win some you lose some<br />i've been considering moving here are the towns<br />Athens (long shot)<br />Gainesville, FL<br />Charlottesville<br />or any sweet college town where i can find a bartending job<br /><br />i cleaned my phone out weeks ago, i'm glad i never knew numbers by heart or there is too much temptation to call em<br />it's times like this where i wish that the operation of eternal sunshine of the spotless mind was real<br /><br />dear starr walker, <br />you were on point the other night!!!<br />i need to see you out more urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:45964 2006-09-16T00:47:08Z 2006-09-16T00:47:08Z i jinxed it, what shitty luck<br />anyway<br />i'm making mad money<br />on thursday i worked doing stage hand, followed by Best Buy, then at Helen's urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:45562 2006-09-11T17:57:43Z 2006-09-11T17:57:43Z i would be in Arcade, NY right now it's high 40s low 50s, i would be in a peacoat, beated red sox hat, and jeans<br />i would be there by myself, face kinda cold. <br />i think about what all went wrong here in Richmond<br />the only thing that has gone right is my current company but i see the reason why people don't date in this town, everyone is everyone's drama. all of it is almost settled but i kinda hope we make it through this. <br />my luck has gone to shit and i can't wait for peacoats to come back out the closet urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:45281 2006-09-10T22:02:37Z 2006-09-10T22:02:37Z i feel like this is gonna hurt like no tomorrow or be the most awesome thing i ever had<br />can't jynx it<br />don't jynx it (see last years post and smiles) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:44985 2006-09-08T18:55:55Z 2006-09-08T18:55:55Z wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which one gets full first urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:44560 2006-09-07T01:28:24Z 2006-09-07T01:28:24Z dear ellwood ave, <br />i love you.<br /><br /><br />my dad's birthday came and went on sunday, by luck i had the day off and by better luck all those i loved were right by my side. we did go-karts twice, mini golf, and just had fun.<br />every first turn Kari, wade, Richard, Tiffany, and Jim were there to make me smile<br />my dad would have been 50 and i think about what could have been, about what he would say about Donnie and I now. <br /><br />i've been walking wonka a whole lot it's both good theorpy for us urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:44369 2006-09-02T06:48:14Z 2006-09-02T06:51:08Z getting back into the swing of things<br />also a little sick, boo to being sick<br />anyway, i love fall. <br />it's winter that always fucks me<br />i wish i knew how to delete live journal urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:44162 2006-03-26T03:58:36Z 2006-03-26T03:58:36Z Top 10 things that make you happy right now, and tag 5 people to do the same.<br />I got tagged!<br /><br />No particular order:<br /><br />1. PBR<br />2. Monday nights at Starlite w/ my best friends<br />3. talking zombies<br />4. getting a new crush<br />5. Matt finding me new work<br />6. money<br />7. picking a flower out of someone's yard to give to her<br />8. natius (hey, everyone needs a rival)<br />9. Nessy<br />10. great friends<br /><br />Tagged:<br /><br />1. someone<br />2. anyone<br />3. people<br />4. stuff <br />5. you urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:43792 2006-03-01T07:19:00Z 2006-03-01T07:19:00Z there is not a thought in my mind that does not have death carved in it. you don't see until you lost half your blood and how life just takes its toll urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:43312 2006-02-07T20:37:40Z 2006-02-07T20:37:40Z to be seriously fucking normal, to not fidget around and be akward, not have my mind race around like its god damn NASCAR. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:43154 2006-01-17T20:39:59Z 2006-01-17T20:39:59Z OWNS YOU!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:42769 2005-12-18T06:24:13Z 2005-12-18T06:24:13Z in a couple months maybe my full aurburn red beard will be in hahaha and it will be sweet <br /><br />for all those who doubt i am able to take care of a cat, i have had Nessy almost a month and she is a growing girl. <br />i love her to death <br /><br />Dec is actually shaping up to not be bad. i don't drink as much, it has gone quick, hurry up 2006<br /><br /><br />people leave adresses because you will be getting post cards from my week "adventure" starting very soon urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:42732 2005-12-09T04:10:24Z 2005-12-09T04:10:24Z after long freddy sessions, joke cracking, the awesome feathered hair of Joey and the just awesomeness of Dan i actually didn't feel stressed. my mind wasn't scattered, i just felt pretty relaxed. <br /><br />i got some good news in Spanish, i'm kinda on the verge of getting an A, i pretty much have an A in american lit, and i may even get an A in human sexuality. school is alright, life is starting to somewhat pick up. <br /><br /><br />i need new glasses these ones are over 4 years old and have been repaired SOOOOOOOO many times. After 4 years it is time to get new glasses, its kinda sad.<br /><br />things to look foward to (in no order):<br />good grades<br />new glasses<br />next semester<br />more freddy sessions<br /><br />things that are kinda a bummer<br />not really starting the new year right (i may be gone for 6 days)<br />afrade of not getting good grades<br />new glasses<br /><br /><br /><br />on a side note, Taryn, call me for info on Fasion School someone would like to drop your name and give you info urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:42410 2005-11-05T20:51:03Z 2005-11-05T20:51:03Z if only we told each other all the things we told livejournal urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:42147 2005-10-28T07:11:44Z 2005-10-28T07:11:44Z when i lived in the lofts i would often walk to the end of Oregon Hill and think about life. I would wear my best shirt and a tie and often think, "this is gonna be the outfit i'm gonna die in, show your family some respect" as you can tell, i never died. The bitterness and lonley ness got to me and this would be a 3 times a week thing. But soon the weather started getting warmer i started to mellow out and my last attempt was in may 03.<br />fast foward<br />July 03, my dad commits suicide and shit hits the fan<br />everyone i opened up to i shut off, it was all gone, i lose contact and don't feel like opening up<br />i close the door on feelings because what i was feeling would never be as strong as the sorrow i was feeling then.<br /><br />I met a person who would change my life forever on Valentines Day 04 none the less<br />i met the blue eyes long brown hair and personality that would make me crack open my shell alittle bit<br />this person taight me how to love and how to open up.<br />i saw all beauity in this girl. <br />it ended<br />i ran through girls like tissues<br />i made great FRIENDS (example Nikita)<br /><br />i met a brown eyed beauity who would chance my world, i fought it because hearts don't open up easy, one fights it<br />that ended<br />we started it up again, feeling better, i fought it more and by my dumb hand, it ended<br />if i could have anything it would be to stair at the Ballerina on your back while we sleep and drool on pillows<br />it would be watching you have that last smoke before you sleep<br />it would be me holding you this time.<br />to me being stupid i found love and pushed it away<br /><br />my best shirt, my best tie<br />oregon hill is too far away but death is at my bedside<br />always waiting<br />always laughing with that bottle is liquor in his hand<br />it says to me, "i'll let you die a thousand times over because you refuse to love"<br />life is not getting the gift but giving it<br />only you fold your blanket back before bed and you only dream the dreams<br />a thousand kisses from super models don't equal the kiss of a sweet dream and lord if you are there give me a worth while kiss tonight<br /><br /><br /><br />Goodnight, <br />Benjamin urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:41867 2005-09-30T07:05:10Z 2005-09-30T07:05:10Z i wish i had my windows rolled down driving full speed to buffalo right now, music blasting, heart racing and nothing but the beautiful mountian scenenry keeping my company. i realize so much when i think about it. i wish i had a warm king sized bed in a freezing cold town waiting for me. i wish i never fucked up everything that was sweet. <br /><br />i fucked up<br />i tried hard<br />you don't even know but think i only do what i do for other girls<br />no, i do what i do because i'm Ben fucking White<br />you should know that<br /><br />i need the comfort of a warm coat, i need a smile to brighten my night, i need something to believe in urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:41488 2005-09-30T06:56:14Z 2005-09-30T06:56:14Z so today i started a life insurance policy. Because i'm so young i get a great deal. little do they know i'm a wreckless crazy fucking time bomb here is my policy, no fucking joke<br /> its 250,000 for 10bux a month!!!!!!!!<br /><br />Julie you get 5,000 when i die<br />Donnie you get 125,000 when i die, <br />Mom, you get 75,000 when i die, unless you die before me than donnie gets that share<br />my cousins get 25,000 for college expenses<br />and the final 20,000 goes to charity and burial expenses that encludes wicked kegger when i die for all my friends<br />unless i have a family when i die then i will up my insurance policy to 500,000 for 30bux a month and they get the other half<br /><br />and on top of that i'm in the process of making my last will and testement urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:41302 2005-09-26T23:47:10Z 2005-09-26T23:47:10Z yea, two hard headed people <br />one sweet friendship<br /><br />endless possibilties<br /><br />i'm glad we are friend again, now lets put our heads together to rule the world urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:40930 2005-08-10T05:33:57Z 2005-08-10T05:33:57Z i wish i could be Axel Rose circa 1991 that would rule mor than anything he straight didn't give a fuck and he was rich as hell. <br /><br />but i'm Ben White of 2005 i drink like Axel but i don't have the money and such urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:40632 2005-08-09T17:49:46Z 2005-08-09T17:49:46Z i've been on the fruit and nyquil diet for the past couple days<br /><br />i can't sleep and to try to rush myself to sleep before midnight i just take shots of nyquil to try to force myself to sleep.<br /><br />lastnight i woke uo like 4 times.<br /><br />i'm tossing and turning and not knowing whats going on. Every desision i made i always question if it was for the best or would i be better off for doing that.<br /><br />not indulging people in my private life is harming and hurting me<br /><br />the one person i run to in this present situation i think may be tired of hearing it (sorry Taryn) <br /><br />i just need to get in my car and drive drive drive, where ever it takes me<br /><br />i'm getting close to cracking 3 days have passed urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x3pointstancex:40335 2005-08-09T17:17:24Z 2005-08-09T17:17:24Z so<br /><br />whats next?