BenNeedsToDie

hey you

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 07:51:12 GMT

fuck you
i hate how you twisted, or tried to twist everything around where it was my fault

things right and wrong with my life

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 07:32:21 GMT

wrong:
my Alkaline Trio obsession. it's turned me into a suicidal hopeless romantic
i can't even ask the rickshaw girl out on a date because my confidence is all fucked, thank you
gave up on ever talking about hell block ever again, even deleted the file from my comp and every referance about it

right:
i've become crazy creative
i didn't have a handsome smile anyway
birthday is coming up so a big journal update is coming up
summer is over so let's count the states
VA,TX,CA,MD,WV,PA,NY,ON(CAN),NC,SC,GA,FL
over 10,000 miles traveled by plane, car, train
anywayyyyyyy sweet new tattoo

not such a good picture but

itunes on random

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 00:17:01 GMT

Jimmy Eat World reminds me of that time steph, Beth, and I had that underwear dance party in the dark at 130 w. clay

fuck, man

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 18:37:13 GMT

no more six feet under ondemand
i guess that's a good thing
tomorrow scott is doing the best tattoo in the world on me
a sting ray w/ a banner over it that says, "cricky!"
i'm trying to find some time to go back to cali, i miss it like a mother fucker
the beaches, my friends
the beard is back, alittle bit thicker than berfore
i've been updating live journal a shit ton more now that i don't have myspace, i guess i'm just closer to my LJ friends than i was my myspace friendsmy birthday is exactly two weeks away!!

welllllllllllllll

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 01:06:08 GMT

things have been up and down. in 3 hours this shitty week will be over
but i have DMB and Eric Clapton stage hand shit to do
i started making drinks at Helen's on Thursdays or i'm on call
either way

i haven't really spoke to Hannah since Tue night oh well, you win some you lose some
i've been considering moving here are the towns
Athens (long shot)
Gainesville, FL
Charlottesville
or any sweet college town where i can find a bartending job

i cleaned my phone out weeks ago, i'm glad i never knew numbers by heart or there is too much temptation to call em
it's times like this where i wish that the operation of eternal sunshine of the spotless mind was real

dear starr walker,
you were on point the other night!!!
i need to see you out more

yep

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 00:47:08 GMT

i jinxed it, what shitty luck
anyway
i'm making mad money
on thursday i worked doing stage hand, followed by Best Buy, then at Helen's

i kinda wish i had a flight

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 17:57:43 GMT

i would be in Arcade, NY right now it's high 40s low 50s, i would be in a peacoat, beated red sox hat, and jeans
i would be there by myself, face kinda cold.
i think about what all went wrong here in Richmond
the only thing that has gone right is my current company but i see the reason why people don't date in this town, everyone is everyone's drama. all of it is almost settled but i kinda hope we make it through this.
my luck has gone to shit and i can't wait for peacoats to come back out the closet

oh this one is gonna hurt

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 22:02:37 GMT

i feel like this is gonna hurt like no tomorrow or be the most awesome thing i ever had
can't jynx it
don't jynx it (see last years post and smiles)

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 18:55:55 GMT

wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which one gets full first

let's rock

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 01:28:24 GMT

dear ellwood ave,
i love you.

my dad's birthday came and went on sunday, by luck i had the day off and by better luck all those i loved were right by my side. we did go-karts twice, mini golf, and just had fun.
every first turn Kari, wade, Richard, Tiffany, and Jim were there to make me smile
my dad would have been 50 and i think about what could have been, about what he would say about Donnie and I now.

i've been walking wonka a whole lot it's both good theorpy for us

sweet

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 06:48:14 GMT

getting back into the swing of things
also a little sick, boo to being sick
anyway, i love fall.
it's winter that always fucks me
i wish i knew how to delete live journal

stuff

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 03:58:36 GMT

Top 10 things that make you happy right now, and tag 5 people to do the same.
I got tagged!

No particular order:

1. PBR
2. Monday nights at Starlite w/ my best friends
3. talking zombies
4. getting a new crush
5. Matt finding me new work
6. money
7. picking a flower out of someone's yard to give to her
8. natius (hey, everyone needs a rival)
9. Nessy
10. great friends

Tagged:

1. someone
2. anyone
3. people
4. stuff
5. you

no subject

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 07:19:00 GMT

there is not a thought in my mind that does not have death carved in it. you don't see until you lost half your blood and how life just takes its toll

I would give anything, anything.

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 20:37:40 GMT

to be seriously fucking normal, to not fidget around and be akward, not have my mind race around like its god damn NASCAR.

team alphabet

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 20:39:59 GMT

OWNS YOU!!

i'm going for it!

Sun, 18 Dec 2005 06:24:13 GMT

in a couple months maybe my full aurburn red beard will be in hahaha and it will be sweet

for all those who doubt i am able to take care of a cat, i have had Nessy almost a month and she is a growing girl.
i love her to death

Dec is actually shaping up to not be bad. i don't drink as much, it has gone quick, hurry up 2006

people leave adresses because you will be getting post cards from my week "adventure" starting very soon

for one of the first times

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 04:10:24 GMT

after long freddy sessions, joke cracking, the awesome feathered hair of Joey and the just awesomeness of Dan i actually didn't feel stressed. my mind wasn't scattered, i just felt pretty relaxed.

i got some good news in Spanish, i'm kinda on the verge of getting an A, i pretty much have an A in american lit, and i may even get an A in human sexuality. school is alright, life is starting to somewhat pick up.

i need new glasses these ones are over 4 years old and have been repaired SOOOOOOOO many times. After 4 years it is time to get new glasses, its kinda sad.

things to look foward to (in no order):
good grades
new glasses
next semester
more freddy sessions

things that are kinda a bummer
not really starting the new year right (i may be gone for 6 days)
afrade of not getting good grades
new glasses

on a side note, Taryn, call me for info on Fasion School someone would like to drop your name and give you info

communication

Sat, 05 Nov 2005 20:51:03 GMT

if only we told each other all the things we told livejournal

walks in Oregon Hill

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 07:11:44 GMT

when i lived in the lofts i would often walk to the end of Oregon Hill and think about life. I would wear my best shirt and a tie and often think, "this is gonna be the outfit i'm gonna die in, show your family some respect" as you can tell, i never died. The bitterness and lonley ness got to me and this would be a 3 times a week thing. But soon the weather started getting warmer i started to mellow out and my last attempt was in may 03.
fast foward
July 03, my dad commits suicide and shit hits the fan
everyone i opened up to i shut off, it was all gone, i lose contact and don't feel like opening up
i close the door on feelings because what i was feeling would never be as strong as the sorrow i was feeling then.

I met a person who would change my life forever on Valentines Day 04 none the less
i met the blue eyes long brown hair and personality that would make me crack open my shell alittle bit
this person taight me how to love and how to open up.
i saw all beauity in this girl.
it ended
i ran through girls like tissues
i made great FRIENDS (example Nikita)

i met a brown eyed beauity who would chance my world, i fought it because hearts don't open up easy, one fights it
that ended
we started it up again, feeling better, i fought it more and by my dumb hand, it ended
if i could have anything it would be to stair at the Ballerina on your back while we sleep and drool on pillows
it would be watching you have that last smoke before you sleep
it would be me holding you this time.
to me being stupid i found love and pushed it away

my best shirt, my best tie
oregon hill is too far away but death is at my bedside
always waiting
always laughing with that bottle is liquor in his hand
it says to me, "i'll let you die a thousand times over because you refuse to love"
life is not getting the gift but giving it
only you fold your blanket back before bed and you only dream the dreams
a thousand kisses from super models don't equal the kiss of a sweet dream and lord if you are there give me a worth while kiss tonight

Goodnight,
Benjamin

holy PA

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 07:05:10 GMT

i wish i had my windows rolled down driving full speed to buffalo right now, music blasting, heart racing and nothing but the beautiful mountian scenenry keeping my company. i realize so much when i think about it. i wish i had a warm king sized bed in a freezing cold town waiting for me. i wish i never fucked up everything that was sweet.

i fucked up
i tried hard
you don't even know but think i only do what i do for other girls
no, i do what i do because i'm Ben fucking White
you should know that

i need the comfort of a warm coat, i need a smile to brighten my night, i need something to believe in

life insurance

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 06:56:14 GMT

so today i started a life insurance policy. Because i'm so young i get a great deal. little do they know i'm a wreckless crazy fucking time bomb here is my policy, no fucking joke
its 250,000 for 10bux a month!!!!!!!!

Julie you get 5,000 when i die
Donnie you get 125,000 when i die,
Mom, you get 75,000 when i die, unless you die before me than donnie gets that share
my cousins get 25,000 for college expenses
and the final 20,000 goes to charity and burial expenses that encludes wicked kegger when i die for all my friends
unless i have a family when i die then i will up my insurance policy to 500,000 for 30bux a month and they get the other half

and on top of that i'm in the process of making my last will and testement

i'm done being a bitch. I'm done being a dick

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 23:47:10 GMT

yea, two hard headed people
one sweet friendship

endless possibilties

i'm glad we are friend again, now lets put our heads together to rule the world

i wish

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 05:33:57 GMT

i wish i could be Axel Rose circa 1991 that would rule mor than anything he straight didn't give a fuck and he was rich as hell.

but i'm Ben White of 2005 i drink like Axel but i don't have the money and such

diet

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 17:49:46 GMT

i've been on the fruit and nyquil diet for the past couple days

i can't sleep and to try to rush myself to sleep before midnight i just take shots of nyquil to try to force myself to sleep.

lastnight i woke uo like 4 times.

i'm tossing and turning and not knowing whats going on. Every desision i made i always question if it was for the best or would i be better off for doing that.

not indulging people in my private life is harming and hurting me

the one person i run to in this present situation i think may be tired of hearing it (sorry Taryn)

i just need to get in my car and drive drive drive, where ever it takes me

i'm getting close to cracking 3 days have passed

.....

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 17:17:24 GMT

so

whats next?